walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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