Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
