Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
