he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
