I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
