In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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