Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
