You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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