would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
