I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
