Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
