I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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