the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
