Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
