awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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