Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
