My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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