2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
