Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
