you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
