My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize