Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
