His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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