seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
