A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
