I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize