it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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