her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
