I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
