John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
