if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
