this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
