VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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