did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
