yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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