i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize