if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
