yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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