Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
