Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
