I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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