she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
