i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
