1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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