saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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