I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
