I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
