Im at strip club and am horny
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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