I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize