I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
