my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am one with the molecules
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
