she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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