dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize