Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
