Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If that was your dad, he is hot
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
