woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize