I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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