I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
