While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
