He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
