My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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