Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
