I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
