He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
