I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
