I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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