Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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