I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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